Why to be a lover and not accuser?

Are you in a relationship with someone who accuses you of cheating or flirting? And when you deny this, your partner gets angry and go mad on you and sometimes doesn’t talk… May be you are together since 4 years and your partner has never caught you cheating or expressing your feelings to someone else. But your partner just complains about all your friends (opposite sex). This behavior of your partner ruins everything and every plan you think to make the evening better. Well, Free Spirit understands!

Firstly, if your partner has all these symptoms, then you have to understand that he/she is suffering from deep insecurity issues. Your partner is not just insecure; he/she is on the verge of a mental imbalance. The issues with your partner are so deep that they have the power to damage your relationship. The frustrated mind is more dangerous and you must pray that he/she won’t say something that you retain for life.

A relationship is not a sentence. There is no room or cell that you have to share in a relationship. It is a ‘choice.’ It happens that issues remain unrecognized until they are a living situation with the person. Later, they come out.

Your partner is also in complete denial. He/she wouldn’t want to admit this part about him/her due to the depth of the issue. You should understand that denial is a kind of self-protection. He/she cannot admit that he/she could be wrong. And the easy thing they can do is to accuse you and make you the villain of the story. Often they chose to blame you and continue on with the debate, instead of confronting their own weakness.

Is there any possibility to change your partner mindset?

A BIG NO for this! You cannot change his/her mindset. You can never do that. You may go to the ends of the earth seeking to convince him/her of your commitment to your partner and reassure him/her. Nothing going to happen until your partner is ready to confront and heal within himself / herself.

What makes your partner insecure?

In maximum cases, major reason behind the insecurity is a subconscious belief that they are unworthy of respect and devotion from their partner. This speaks to his / her own self worth. You cannot give that to her. You can never… Why? Because your partner won’t accept it from you, and this accusing behavior of your partner will never leave him / her.

If your partner doesn’t feel himself / herself worthy of receiving something, nobody else could give that to him / her. It is just like trying to pour water in a cracked glass and expect water will not leak.

What you can do about your partner’s insecurity?

Hope. You can only hope here. You can try to talk with your partner and take him / her for a therapy where he / she can uncover this issue. Clear out the things. Insecurity gives a miserable feeling to both of you. Your partner has to deal with it before he / she can ever live a happy life. If the things remain the same, it will just draw more lines between you and your partner. And the scars given by them are unforgettable.

If your partner makes the choice to continue blaming you to secure him / her own imbalance, he / she put you in the position of having to make a choice. And honestly, nobody wants to be his/ her victim forever.

At this point, you must understand about the kind of love and relationship you feel you deserve.

A right relationship has love, respect, and communication. We agree that not all relationships are meant to last forever. If your partner will not take a step for YOUR sake, you might get an idea how much he/ she truly loves YOU. Because you are running a PARTNERSHIP, right? Hope your partner will not be surprised to know how selfish and unloving he / she is being!

My last question is simple – what you want?

If your partner is not thinking about you, will you still prefer to be around someone who refuses to grow?

(Wait for the second edition.)

Second part is here – How to deal with an insecure partner?